I cant be certain when the symptoms of my anxiety crept back in, but I am sure it has to be in the last month, because September was amazing for me being my 30th Birthday.
One thing I do know is that I can do one!!!!!!! anxiety has no place or authority in my life at all!!!
The symptoms of my anxiety are, probably a little different to maybe how you see anxiety: it causes the in ability for my brain to stop thinking about anything for even just a minute. (hence why I writing this at midnight), If I am not thinking about something it makes me think of something. These thoughts are often a great big long list of what I need to do in my life!! I have lots of separate parts in my life; I am a wife, a mum but then I also have desires and dreams, to live out my life to the best of my ability for myself, Andrew and Hayley!
I have a desire to farm our farm well, to create good quality meat products with next to no inputs such as antibiotics, processed feeds and other types of medications. I want to look after the soil, grow good quality grass and forage and have happy and completely healthy animals. I have vast amounts of knowledge on different things, to do with farming but it over whelms me, because I just don’t know where to start! I know it cant all be done at once!
I also have a huge desire to help and see people emotionally, spiritually and physically healed so that they can live out their true live potential as well, in what ever form that is! Then I have my Tropic business which I love to be part of, but there is that constant pulling to follow the crowd, instead of just doing my business the way I am suppose to. We cant all copy each other, because we have individual qualities.
Another large part of my anxiety symptoms, is when I stop looking after my body in the way it deserves, because of Stress! if you have been following me on facebook, you will see that I’ve had lots to deal with my grans mental health issues. I have eaten loads and loads of sugar in these last 3 weeks, to get me through, to make me feel better for 2 minutes, and then to feel exhausted because that is what sugar does to me. You can guarantee if I have sugar in the morning by the afternoon I need a nap. Sometimes the need for a sleep is so bad, if I am driving I have to stop! This is what sugar does to me, so here I am stuck in this aaaaaahhhhhhh I dont know where to start with anything scenario. I then turning to sugar to give me an answer, which ultimately puts my body into a melt down!
The markers of to much sugar in my diet again is the constant sore throat, tummy ache, clicking and aching joints all over, and the excruciating period pains. My body is toxic currently due to my poor diet, and it is screaming at me to do something.
So where is God in the midst of all this with me? because I know He is there waiting for me to ask for help! waiting for me to say, I cant do this I need you to help me. I know I have a high calling on my life, which involves all of the above elements. I know this calling is so huge I wont be able to do it without;
1) Seeking Gods help
2) looking after my mind, soul and body it currently feels 55 not 30!
3) I must not get into busy mode, I need to make time for myself and essentially God, by eating well, doing exercise, having quite time, reading the bible and meditating on what it says.
4) I must remind myself of my identity in Jesus EVERYDAY, I am Loved, I am Worthy, I am uniquely designed and I have a purpose, I deserve true happiness in all its forms. I wasn’t christened with the name Leanne Joy, to not have this joy in my life everyday! to get this joy I first need; The peace that surpasses all understanding.
John 14:27 says ” I leave you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. The peace I give isn’t like the world gives, so don’t be troubled (anxious) or afraid.
Philippians 4:6 says “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience Gods peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand”
I thank God tomorrow is a new day, and it starts with a fresh love and mercy out pouring, straight from heaven into my heart! Just writing this post makes me feel better, so tomorrow I will start the sugar withdrawal process again and get back doing some exercise, I think dancing 😉
Sending you lots of hugs, and praying that you read this and feel lighter by the end of it!